Scorched Earth

 A week ago I was asked to support a friend by joining a podcast on relationships.  I knew I was treading on emotional thin ice by agreeing to do so.  I listened to the first half of the discussion with no major pain to my psyche – only a few uncomfortable minutes here and there… until another friend spoke up and mentioned that some of us listening may have found ourselves in the unwanted position of being single.  As a widow she understands the total devastation of life changing in a split second and the scorched earth that’s left behind.  I had an “aha” moment.  I connected with the concept of scorched earth.  I saw myself standing next to the bombed out crater that is my life, shell shocked and paralyzed with grief.  I started to sob.

It’s been one month and eight days since my life irrevocably changed.  While I’m not a widow, I am definitely grieving.  My friends and followers from my previous blog know the back story.   You can find it here: https://becomingcrowell.blogspot.com/2021/07/i-love-way-you-lie.html

For those just finding this new blog and me, I’ll give you a quick synopsis. The man I trusted to protect me and my family, blew up our lives in an unjustified and unwarranted jealous rage that ended up with my daughter and I wrestling an AR-15 and two clips of 30 rounds of ammunition out of his hands before the police arrived and arrested him for domestic violence (simple assault and battery).  While I had physical injuries that required multiple doctors appointments, what was more damaging was the emotional trauma that my daughter and I will deal with for years to come.

I refuse to say we are victims.  We were victimized but we will prevail.  I have chosen to start this new blog to chart my path from domestic violence, to lessons learned and the blessings in those lessons, to finding myself in my 50s.  I know writing will help me through these uncertain days ahead and hope that maybe my actions will inspire more to stand up and say “No.”

I've chosen "Full Circle to Me" as the title of this blog... as I remove the names of men I've loved and return to the name I was given by my parents who have given me endless amount of support over the years.  I'm blessed to have them, and their spouses, in my life.  Please welcome the return of Heather... just Heather... I am strong and I am loved.  I am.... a survivor.

#choosejoy